Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Back to business

I shall now attempt to re-invite blogging into my daily routine once again. My week home threw me for a bit of a loop... I got off schedule and never quite got back on fully.

Here is an update on the past week and a 1/2 since I've been back...


May 10 was an interesting day, so I'll write a bit about that I guess...
From my last day at work till the day I started up again, I had watched the new HBO movie "You Don't Know Jack" not once, but twice. The movie is based on the work of Dr. Jack Kevorkian and his place in the euthanasia movement. Many of Dr. Kevorkian's patients suffered from the heart-breaking terminal disease Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, otherwise known as ALS or Lou Gherig's Disease. The disease is progressive, neurodegenerative, and fatal. As the disease progresses, the patient loses motor abilities from the bottom up, while cognitively remaining in tact. Every movement is extremely painful, and muscles easily cramp up.

My first day back on the job, I went to see our new admit, a 63 year old Thai woman with end stage ALS. She could at best make grunting noises, but even that caused her to grimace in pain. I got her to laugh, but she quickly regretted that laughter as the pain shot through her body because of it. I sang some songs from the 60s by her side as she and her caregiver listened and smiled. The patient's husband, an adorable little Asian man, came in and out of the room throughout my short visit. He bowed to me and thanked me for the music. I couldn't even begin to imagine what he's going through. Just watching the movie made the realities of ALS hard to digest, so seeing it in person was almost too much. For a person to have to gradually and painfully lose motor function bit by bit as their mind stays completely intact is beyond what anyone on the outside could even imagine. To have to watch your family member gradually decline and suffer with every slight movement while knowing that this disease is ultimately incurable... there's just something about Lou Gherig's that breaks my heart more than any disease I've encountered thus far...

Anyway, I saw the Korean doc this day as well. He is doing very well to say the least. Not only did he actively participate with his shaker egg during my visit (and he can now shake on the beat!) but he now took the initiative to move his feet and dance in his wheelchair. He was absolutely thrilled! We even did an impromptu Hokey Pokey which he just loved! Not sure hospice patients should be hokey pokey-ing.... but what do I know :)

I stopped to see a patient that the MT usually sees. She had been on our services for awhile now, but this was the first time I personally had met her. Wouldn't you know she died that night. My grim reaper status is still in tact even after being gone for a week. Oh joy.


Since the day I flew home to today, we lost 6 patients who I used to see on a regular basis, including Kiss from God, two of our little Asian ladies, the Scottish hallucinator, our friendly little man at the board and care, and the little lady who told me my singing sounded 'just terrible!'. Everyone is dying!! :( This line of work is getting more and more difficult now that I really know the patients who are dying...


My current struggles: what is the appropriate response to a hospice patient who says "I just want to die." 1. The patient is dying. 2. Isn't it good that the patient is accepting of their imminent death? 3. Do they wish for death for the right reasons? (Are they emotionally ready or just giving up?)


There's so much more to tell... But that's all I can rant about for now...

Sorry to my Grandma, mom, and dad for not blogging for so long! Love you all dearly!